I am a Real One as THEY say. I do everything alcoholically as I like to say. You know, nothing exceeds like excess. I was destined to become an alcoholic if you ask my parents. They never kept alcohol in the home and always maintained strict order keeping my ADHD in check with routine and discipline. They prayed that I wouldn’t one day become what they feared. That I would “catch” the disease that plagued our family for generations. Her father, his father and siblings. My uncle, who served time for stabbing a woman in a drugged-up stupor, while his brother led the charge against drugs in South Texas working for the FBI. It wasn’t until my late twenties that my drinking career began. As my first marriage ended, I didn’t know how to handle all of the emotions I had and numbed myself during Happy Hours with colleagues, dinner with Moms and ultimately alone in bed at night. My 5-foot frame blew up to 200lbs and I was diagnosed with Hepatic encephalopathy, a reversible, yet scary syndrome where I began hallucinating because of the amount of ammonia in my bloodstream that my liver could not clear. You would think that being told I was going to die would have curbed my appetite for cheap grocery store wine, but alas it did not. I wish I could tell you there was a singular event that led me to sobriety but I think it was the culmination of a lot of things that drove me to seek help. I tried traditional group meetings and rehab to work through the steps that were to keep me sober.
“They prayed that I wouldn’t one day become what they feared. That I would “catch” the disease that plagued our family for generations.”
But, the problem wasn’t my faith or community. My problem was being alone with ME. Looking at my bleary-eyed self in the mirror of a dark bathroom and not liking what I saw, I finally chose to serve me. And, I’m glad I did. My second husband, who I had always called the Saint, had finally given up on me. Two weeks out of a treatment center focused on mental health to drive wellness, I learned that my husband had a girlfriend of 8 months who was pregnant and he had filed for divorce. All of this while I had been avoiding my life in a drunken stupor. To my own surprise, I stayed sober through everything that happened next. I remember all of it. Every emotion, every tear, every act of betrayal and, I am a better human because of it. Today, I wake up to a daily routine that has allowed me to live a life free of Lexapro, Adderall and the countless number of drugs I was prescribed. I’ve learned to honor my body with a focus on whole foods, minimizing my toxic-load and leading likeminded women in loving and caring for themselves first, naturally.
