“When you listen to the podcasts and read the books they say ‘you’ll find your people’ but that has not been true for me.” That statement jumped off the page. I was casually flicking through the latest batch of interview answers that my assistant had sent over, coffee in hand. But that answer made me put down the cup. But we need to be careful not to create the wrong impression. There are many people doing spectacular work – sober events and communities are popping up all the time. For some, those are the places to “find your people”. But what if they’re not your people? Don’t get me wrong I love you guys but that doesn’t mean you’re as interested in falling off your roller skates as I am. Honestly, if the only thing we have in common is that we don’t drink – spending time together is as dumb as when we used to hang out with people simply because they drank. And that’s not what the sober superstars do. True some of them have friends from rehab, The Fellowship, masterminds or group coaching programmes. But they all also have friends that they meet doing activities that don’t revolve around alcohol. That’s the key point. You don’t actually need sober friends. You need communities that don’t revolve around alcohol, and there’s a big difference. Let’s imagine I live in Oxford – and that I like to mention it because I think it makes me sound clever – a quick google search reveals two sober events I could attend in the next four weeks. That’s not a lot. It’s not hard to imagine that no other inline skating, 90s throwback will be there. I might go to both, not connect with anyone and go home disappointed. Now think about communities that don’t revolve around alcohol: sports clubs, business networking groups, volunteering organisations, political groups, educational establishments, spiritual societies and The Thames Valley Roller Skating Club. How many events will these groups be holding over the next four weeks? The Thames Valley Roller Skating Club meets every week, though they do allow in people on quads, which isn’t right. The point is you can go along to a triathlon training session or a business breakfast or a demonstration or a pottery class and people won’t be drinking. It doesn’t matter what they do when they get home because while you’re with them they’ll be sober. The sober superstars don’t limit themselves to sober communities, they realise that any group that doesn’t revolve around alcohol is a chance to “find your people”. Please don’t stop telling people how great being sober is. Don’t stop telling them how important finding your people is. Just realise that a group of people doesn’t need sober in its name to become your tribe.
