So, you’ve given up alcohol. You feel more confident, emboldened and maybe even unstoppable. But then the panic sets in. How am I going to have sober sex??? If this thought has creeped into your psyche, you are not alone. But facing sober sex is not all that different from other firsts when getting sober. While it may feel initially unfamiliar and scary, it is ultimately exciting, empowering and liberating. Here are some tips from Allison Guilbault Therapist & Mindset Coach (sober) Licensed Sex Therapist on facing the bedroom alcohol-free:
Challenge your thoughts: If you are on a sober journey, you have probably had a lot of practice challenging thoughts that no longer serve you. You have rewritten stories like “I am more fun (or social, or likeable) when I am drinking”. You have replaced that faulty logic with more empowering truths that honor who you truly are, someone who is whole and likeable and worthy without alcohol. Now it is time to do the same with intimacy. It is likely that you have old narratives telling you that you need alcohol for sex: to relax you, make you more adventurous, more confident even. But those are just thoughts. None of it is actually true. Remind yourself that alcohol is a numbing agent, both emotionally and physically. Sober sex actually allows you to be more present, more in touch with your needs and allows you to better communicate and connect. That’s pretty hot. Know it is okay to be nervous: Just like the first time you went to a wedding sober, turned down your first drink, or told your first person that you were not drinking, the unknown can be scary. Feeling nervous about something new is understandable and valid. But just like all the other “firsts”, what is strange at first will become familiar over time. The scaries are only temporary, but sobriety is life-changing.
