Do I need AA to get sober?

Up until I properly flung myself into it two years ago, my understanding of what going sober meant was based on what I had seen in films or television. It was the alcoholic detective, grimly sitting through another “meeting” in the basement of a church hall, sipping bad coffee from a paper cup. 

Even films which were centered on substance abuse were pretty restricted in their view of recovery. The alcoholic character would have their dramatic rock bottom, then get locked away for 28 days in rehab to be fixed. They would emerge with a steely determination to spend their life “working the program, doing the steps”

I have zero first-hand experience of Alcoholics Anonymous or any other group based, sharing your story style methods of recovery, but I didn’t think AA was for me. I couldn’t get past the initial fear of sharing in a group. Knowing what I know now, I'm sure I would have been welcomed with open arms and encouraged to join in at my own pace. Pre my “sober enlightenment", I worked on the assumption that attending would involve me being forced to stand up in front of the group and say “my name is Patrick, and I am an alcoholic”. 

I wasn't sure if i was an alcoholic, what if i went along and they challenged me on it? “This guy still has a job, he doesn't even put vodka in his cornflakes, get him out of here..and take that coffee off him”

I also knew that a residential programme was out of the question. (I didn't have any spare money to pay for it, because, you know, booze, and I certainly didn't have the sick days to cover it, again booze).

So if I couldn't go to AA, and I couldn't “check in to rehab”, by default this left me to my own devices, and another crack at sobriety using willpower, or a misguided attempt at moderation. But now, having divided head first into the sober sphere, I know there is a world of options to choose from. As I prefer the ones that don't involve engaging with other people to directly talk about drinking, (e.g. research, breath work, meditation, exercise, journaling) I don’t cover them much in my book. But if talking about it helps you, then you really are spoiled for choice. Your GP is actually a good port of call, as they can often set you up with support in your area, including free one to one counselling sessions. There is also Drinkline, the national alcohol helpline you can call free in complete confidence. (0300 123 1110). 

Then of course you have Alcoholics Anonymous. Its "12 step" programme involves getting sober with the help of regular support groups. There is SMART recovery - SMART stands for ‘self-management and recovery training’ which focuses on the latest scientific research. It is strongly influenced by cognitive behavioral therapy. There is Rational Recovery (this is where the Addictive Voice Recognition came from), and Women For Sobriety (which, as the name suggests provides more female focused support). There's lots more - One Year No Beer, Hello Sunday Morning, Club Soda, The Luckiest Club. Learn a bit more about them all and see what you think will work for you.

Whatever one you chose to learn more about, I've found that, to paraphrase from Kevin Costner in the Field Of Dreams -  if you google it, the adverts will come. Each one will promote their method as the most effective. I’m not knocking any one method over another, whatever works for whoever it works for, fair play. All I would say is that, there is no general consensus among the scientific or medical communities that one form of treatment is better than another. The only thing the evidence based studies agree on is that doing something is better than nothing. Basically - it's up to you to find what works for you.

Do it your way

Whilst the 99% Sober approach might be working for me, it might be a terrible idea for you. You might prefer the more binary choice of “I don't drink at all” and take comfort from the certainty that brings. And that's ok. Something I have noticed is that the sober community is a helpful one, and everyone is super keen to share what has worked for them, and what might be worth a try. But remember we are all different. In The unexpected joy of being sober, Catherine Gray summed it up nicely:

If there is one thing I’ve learned about being sober, it's that what works for me will not necessarily work for someone else. Hitting upon the right mix of tools is like chancing upon the correct combination that opens a safe door. *Cue a satisfying clunk.* The door swings open and beyond it, there is freedom from alcohol….

I know successfully sober people who did ten-plus years of AA, decided it wasn't for them, and swapped it out for yoga and meditation; I know people who switch up Smart Recovery and AA; people in Refuge Recovery; people who do straight AA five times a week and yet have never done the steps or gotten a sponsor; people who rely exclusively on CBT therapy; people who simply read a lot about recovery”

What worked for me was reading the memoirs of people like Catherine who got sober, carrying out a ton of research (articles, studies, podcasts, wandering down plenty of rabbit holes on sober forums and blogs), keeping a journal, exercise and, even if initially somewhat grudgingly, what I picked up by embracing self-help - gratitude, breath work and mindfulness.

I had to run through lots of attempts at moderation, and attempts at going 100% sober, before I found the combination that worked for me. Where I was going wrong for the decade or so before, was that I wasn't learning from each failed attempt and then trying something different. All my attempts were a version of viewing it as “giving something up” and then relying on sheer willpower, which would eventually run out. 

 “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.” - Unknown

Whilst I can't give you a magic fix, I can hopefully save you some time by offering this advice; don’t doggedly keep trying something that worked for someone else, or that you think should work for you. If you try out something and it doesn't work, quickly chalk it up as a learning experience and then try something else. Don't view it as failure, it's just trial and error.