Going Alcohol-Free When Your Partner Still Drinks

by Becki Lane

Deciding to go alcohol-free is a life-changing decision. But when your partner still drinks, it can add a layer of complexity to your journey. I think this is one of the biggest reasons people hesitate to stop drinking—especially if their relationship revolves around shared moments involving alcohol.

For me, that was definitely the case. When my partner and I met, I was drinking more than ever. Nearly everything we did together involved alcohol. Long walks ended with a couple of pints at the pub. Our weekends were filled with people-watching over glasses of wine in our favourite spots. Summer afternoons were spent in beer gardens, and cosy winter evenings meant a roaring pub fire and a few drinks.

It was fun, and those moments hold some great memories. But in December 2023, I decided I didn’t want to drink anymore. It was a big decision, and honestly, I was nervous about how it would affect our relationship. Would we still have fun together? Would my partner feel like I was judging them for still drinking? I didn’t know what to expect.

I’ve been incredibly fortunate because my partner has supported me completely. Not once has he tried to encourage me to drink or said anything like, “You were more fun when you were drinking.” His support has made a huge difference, but I also think there are key reasons why going alcohol-free hasn’t strained our relationship.

When I decided to stop drinking, I made it clear that it was my choice. I didn’t expect or pressure my partner to change their drinking habits just because I was changing mine. I believe that’s so important—your decision to go alcohol-free should be about you, not about others.

I had an honest conversation with my partner about why I was stopping. I shared my reasons—that I wanted to feel healthier, be more present, and I just wanted to take a break from the booze. By letting him know my “whys,” he understood that this wasn’t about them or about our relationship; it was about me making a positive change for myself.

One of the biggest challenges was rethinking how we spent our time. So much of what we used to do revolved around alcohol. To keep our connection strong, we found new ways to enjoy each other’s company that didn’t involve drinking. Long walks together have become a favourite, new activities, exploring new places, but honestly, I’m just as happy now relaxing at home with our gorgeous three dogs. It’s a much calmer and more fulfilling way to spend time together.

There were times when my partner wanted a big night out, and I didn’t feel up to it. Early on, I worried this might create tension, but I quickly realised it’s okay to let your partner do their thing while you do yours. On those nights, I’d plan something for myself—whether it was a quiet evening at home or catching up with friends.

What I’ve noticed over the past two years is that your decision to go alcohol-free can have an impact on your partner’s drinking—without you ever needing to say a word.

My partner still drinks, but he drinks less now than he used to. I think that’s because he’s seen the positives in my life since I stopped drinking. He’s noticed how much more energy I have, how much calmer I am, and how present I’ve become in our relationship. While he haven’t stopped drinking entirely, his relationship with alcohol has changed in subtle but meaningful ways.

Tips for Navigating Sobriety in a Drinking Relationship

If you’ve decided to stop drinking and your partner hasn’t, here are some tips that have helped me:

Don’t Pressure Them to Stop Drinking

Your journey is yours alone. Respect their choices and focus on your own path.

Have an Honest Conversation

Share your reasons for stopping and explain why it’s important to you. Let them know it’s not about them, but about doing what’s best for yourself.

Explore New Activities Together

Find things to do that don’t involve alcohol, like going on walks or spending quiet evenings at home. This can help you strengthen your bond without the influence of alcohol.

Give Them Space When Needed

If they want a big night out and you don’t, that’s okay. Let them go and enjoy it while you focus on something that makes you happy.

Supporting Each Other

One of the most important things I’ve learned is that going alcohol-free doesn’t have to strain your relationship. In fact, it can bring you closer if you approach it with mutual respect and understanding.

Sobriety has made me a better version of myself, and that’s had a ripple effect on my relationship with my partner. We’ve found new ways to connect, and our bond feels stronger than ever.

If you’re considering going alcohol-free while your partner still drinks, remember this: it’s your decision, and you can make it work without putting pressure on them. By focusing on your own growth, having open conversations, and supporting each other, you might find that sobriety isn’t just good for you—it’s good for your relationship too.

Two years on, I can confidently say this was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, and I’m grateful to have a partner who supports me every step of the way.